What About Now?
by BarnumOnTheBrain
Summary: Celeborn hates the idea of Galadriel leaving for Valinor before he does. Post-War of the Ring, set in Lothlorien. A sour argument between the Lord and Lady of the Galadhrim. Angsty angst.


**Idk I was listening to a song and got hit by all these feelings ? I hope it's not too... I dunno. Too much.**

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Celeborn hung onto her hand as she tried to pull away.

"Galadriel, please… Please stay…"

Galadriel turned from him, hearing the anguish in his voice, the pleading edge it had.

"I can't. I have to leave. What do I have left, Celeborn? What is left for me here?"

"Many things, my love."

"You expect me to stay for the trees here, for the ghosts that will walk these paths? For those who remain will Fade and linger here and I shall become one of them!"

Celeborn felt anger swell up within him, replacing the sorrow he felt. "What about me, Galadriel? Artanis, what about me?"

She shuddered when he called her that. "Do not call me that."

"Why?" he asked angrily. "It is your name, is it not? It once was, when you first loved me."

"I still do," she said weakly. "Celeborn, I will always love you." Her arms folded over her chest and she turned away from him, refusing to let him see her weep.

"Then stay for me!"

"I can't!"

Celeborn grabbed her by the arms and roughly forced her to look at him, shaking her. "Why?" he asked, his voice raising to a shout. She struggled weakly against his painful grasp, unable to stop the cries that came from her that echoed in their chambers, now empty of all her possessions. Rooms that once were a happy place. Rooms that now only kept the memories of a happier time.

"Why can't you stay for me, Artanis?"

"Don't- that's not-!"

"It is your name! That is all you are now!" he cried, his face inches from hers. "You were Galadriel when you loved me, when you chose to be mine, and now you leave me here! You are no longer Galadriel!" He spat his words and she wailed at his yells, feeling them pierce her like a knife.

"Celeborn, I am yours, I will- you have to- Celeborn I-"

"You what?" he asked furiously, giving her another shake in his vice-like grip. "You're sorry? You're sorry that you are leaving me here to die? That you wish to spend your days without me?" His face was dripping with tears and he felt as if he was losing his mind. It drove him mad, the thought of her leaving him. He couldn't stand it.

"I have to leave!" she all but screamed over him, pulling herself away with huge effort and collided with the bedpost behind her. "You don't understand! You don't want to understand, because this is all you have known! My place is not here, Celeborn, and one day neither shall yours be!"

"I belong here!" he bellowed and made to grab her again but she moved swiftly away, out of reach of the iron confines of his hands that were usually so tender and gentle. "I BELONG WITH YOU!"

"And with me you shall be once more, in time!" Her shouts were laced with sobs and she was almost doubled over as she clutched at her stomach, feeling as if he was repeatedly beating her with his words and accusations of abandonment. She hated it, the whole situation – that she had to leave and he had to stay, that they would be parted and that he was convinced he would never see her again. "Use what is left of your wisdom and realise we shall not be parted, not ever!"

"What is left of my wisdom?" he hissed. "I am wise only to you, and it is you who is leaving me! How can I trust your word, Artanis?"

"Stop- please stop- that name, please- it's not-" She couldn't help but beg. Galadriel had been the name he had called her all those ages ago. She couldn't bear to hear him call her anything but that.

"It will be your name without me as it once was!"

"I will never be without you!"

"You are leaving in less than a month – you shall be without me soon enough, and you do not love me enough to stay!"

Galadriel almost screamed in agonising frustration. "This is not about you, Celeborn! I have to leave, and it will almost kill me to be without you! You are the only one I ever wanted to love, the only one I dreamt of and the only one I long for!"

Celeborn smacked his hands to his face, wanting to claw the skin from his flesh. Such a mortal pain would be less to bear than this. He fell to his knees before her and reached out his arms, blinded by the tears like which had never fallen from his eyes, not when Doriath fell, not when his daughter almost died. For this was Galadriel, his Galadriel, the one beloved by all and adored by many, the one who had been his light for as long as he cared to remember. Blood mingled with the tears on his face and she fell towards him.

"Galadriel," he wept as he buried his face in his skirts where she stood before him. She hesitated for a moment, fearing his wrath would be reignited as quickly as it dimished, but he was spent. There was nothing left.

"What about now?" he cried as her fingers wound their way into his silver hair, long left loose. "You make me all that I was supposed to be. Your love is all I have left, and Galadriel, my heart, I cannot live without you!"

"It will not be for long," she murmured as sobs still shook her, her legs shaking and hands trembling. "My love. Do not be angry for what is yet to pass. Hold me for now, and do not weep when I am gone. Think only of when you shall meet me on the shores of Valinor."

He reached blindly for her hands and tugged her down to kneel in front of him. Through his blurred vision he saw her. Even in despair, she was a beauty that he did not deserve.

"Gi melin," he whispered, still weeping openly. "My heart, my grace, my light." He pressed a hard kiss to her lips that were wet with their tears and held her close.

"What about now?" she asked, trying to control her breathing as they broke apart slowly.

"We will see through the darkness and make it to the dawn," he replied, fighting the fresh wave of cried. "There, in the light of the trees, we will meet again."

He knew he would. He knew he would join her eventually in Valinor, but it was the time between her departure and his arrival that he dreaded. He didn't want to imagine his life without her. And so he would simply live it and refuse to think of it.

"All my life, I have been yours," she whispered, clutching at the hand that had slipped into her hair. "And I shall never cease to be. My love."


End file.
